Blogger's Block

I haven't blogged in a while. It's not that I don't have thoughts to write about; it's that I have so many thoughts going through my head that I'm not sure how to make sense of it all.

I pretty much walk around all the time with this question at the forefront of my mind: What am I going to do next? Not "next" in the next five minutes of my day, but "next" in the next chapter of my life....

Do I stay in New York?

Do I go back to Philly?

If I don't go back to Philly, what do I do with my house? My car?

If I don't go back to Philly, why did I buy my house?

If I stay in New York, do I stay in this apartment or look for a new (cheaper) one? Where will I work? Where will I worship?

If I don't stay in New York past the summer, will I feel like I gave it a full chance? Will I always wonder what would have happened if I stayed longer?

If I go back to Philly, where will I work? Who will I live with?

If I go back to Philly, I won't live near my brothers; I will be "flying solo" again, and I will miss my family. Ah, but there is no guarantee that they will stay in New York either... what if they move-- do I follow them around the country?

And the questions keep coming-- swirling around in my head and I can't settle any of them with a satisfactory answer. I feel like a little kid trying to grab at bubbles blowing around my head-- I reach for it, and it disappears as soon as I think I have it in my hand.

What's the balance between being proactive and being patient? I think this might be the theme question of my summer; well, that and "Do you trust Me?"... maybe the two questions are related?