Wheat Allergy issues

Last week Gretchen and I set out to find a new NYC coffeeshop. Both of us have dreamed for years of opening our own place, so we feel that doing "market research" like this is an important step.

Yelp (if you don't use this website, you need to!) pointed us in the direction of Birch, a cool coffeshop in the Flatiron neighborhood. It was well into the afternoon, and I hadn't eaten lunch. We noticed an oat bar in the bakery case, and I told Gretchen it looked like it might be wheat-free!

"I'll ask," she offered (she knows that I still get embarrassed when I have to explain my allergy).

"Excuse me," she said to the man behind the counter. "Does this bar have wheat in it?"

He looked at her with a look of shock and horror. This is why I hate having to ask about ingredients, I thought. Then he looked at me, amazement still written all over his face.

He took a deep breath. "Does it.... does it have weed in it??"

"WHHHHeaTTT," Gretchen clarified. "She's allergic to wheat!"

Pillow Ponderings

I woke up at 3:04 am this morning. Not because I wasn't tired-- no, I've had trouble waking up after full 10-hour nights of sleep lately. So why, why did I wake up three hours and forty-five minutes before I needed to get up for work?

Because I was feeling anxious. So many thoughts running through my brain; I think they must have been running through my dreams, too, until I finally woke myself up to give them my full attention. Brilliant. Just what I was hoping for-- giving these problems my full attention at 3:04 in the morning. Not.

Lord, I need sleep. Please let me sleep. Please work all these things out. Help me not to be anxious. "Cast your cares on him, for he cares for you." Please take them, and don't let me worry. Why do I struggle to trust you? Why do I struggle to let go? Why don't I think you'll really take over and work things out for me?

I groggily tried to recall Bible verses that would soothe my anxiety.

"And his steadfast love endures forever."
But it doesn't always feel that way.
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
But it's hard anyway sometimes.
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
But that doesn't mean it's all going to work out like I want it to.
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
"And his steadfast love endures forever."

I'm not the only one who's struggled, who's doubted. I read this on my way to work this morning: "Lord, where is your steadfast love of old, which by your faithfulness you swore to David?" (Ps. 89:49).

It doesn't mean the steadfast love isn't always there; it just means sometimes it's harder to see it.

"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days" (Ps. 90:14).

Yes, please, Lord. Satisfy me with your steadfast love-- deep satisfaction that drowns out any feelings of fear and anxiety and doubt.

"And his steadfast love endures forever."

Post-Wedding Letdown

I spent a whole weekend with some of my favorite people in the world. And I met new favorite people in the world. And now I'm back in New York-- back to work, back to reality. And I miss these favorite people. I miss the excitement of the upcoming wedding and seeing everyone work together to make this huge celebration happen.

I wish I were back at the rehearsal dinner mingling with people I hadn't seen in ages and meeting people I'd never met before. Or back in the bridal dressing room toasting and crying and praying with Ellen. Or back at the reception cheering Tim on before his best man speech. Or back on the dance floor dancing to "Numa Numa" (Best Song Ever, by the way). Or back at Vintage 50 after the wedding laughing, telling stories, and laughing some more. Or back in the Wendy's parking lot watching the guys try to go through the drive-thru sans car (and getting rejected). Or hanging out in the hotel lobby wondering how much the hotel receptionist hated us.

But weddings can't last forever, and I'm back in New York. And back to work.

I still remember when Steve got home from one of his college friend's weddings a couple years ago, and he was so sad. "It was just so much fun. And now it's.... over," he said.

That's how I feel. It's not that I don't still love New York. It's just that the weekend was so much fun, and now it's over. So much preparation and then BAM! and it's over. And I don't know when-- or if-- I'll see all these people again.

I guess weddings have to have some downside, right?

Growing Up

I don't want to grow up. But it's getting harder and harder to avoid.

My little brother got married last night.

Beautiful wedding, beautiful bride. And I haven't seen Steve smile that big since, well.... um.... yeah, I've never seen him smile that big.

Growing up. It comes with some growing pains, of course; but it can also be pretty amazing.