Pillow Ponderings

I woke up at 3:04 am this morning. Not because I wasn't tired-- no, I've had trouble waking up after full 10-hour nights of sleep lately. So why, why did I wake up three hours and forty-five minutes before I needed to get up for work?

Because I was feeling anxious. So many thoughts running through my brain; I think they must have been running through my dreams, too, until I finally woke myself up to give them my full attention. Brilliant. Just what I was hoping for-- giving these problems my full attention at 3:04 in the morning. Not.

Lord, I need sleep. Please let me sleep. Please work all these things out. Help me not to be anxious. "Cast your cares on him, for he cares for you." Please take them, and don't let me worry. Why do I struggle to trust you? Why do I struggle to let go? Why don't I think you'll really take over and work things out for me?

I groggily tried to recall Bible verses that would soothe my anxiety.

"And his steadfast love endures forever."
But it doesn't always feel that way.
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
But it's hard anyway sometimes.
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
But that doesn't mean it's all going to work out like I want it to.
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
"And his steadfast love endures forever."
"And his steadfast love endures forever."

I'm not the only one who's struggled, who's doubted. I read this on my way to work this morning: "Lord, where is your steadfast love of old, which by your faithfulness you swore to David?" (Ps. 89:49).

It doesn't mean the steadfast love isn't always there; it just means sometimes it's harder to see it.

"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days" (Ps. 90:14).

Yes, please, Lord. Satisfy me with your steadfast love-- deep satisfaction that drowns out any feelings of fear and anxiety and doubt.

"And his steadfast love endures forever."