Filling in some gaps

I've taken a blogging hiatus, if you haven't noticed. It's another case of "too much going on in my mind to get anything out on paper (or a computer screen, as the case may be)." I talked about this condition with another friend who's a blogger, and we agreed that there's a distinct danger that if you write what you're actually thinking about, you'll lose all your faithful followers. So instead I suppose I could just write vague entries--

Day 1:

Deep breath.

Day 2:

Smile. Even if you don't feel like it. Maybe the happiness will follow.

Day 3:

Sigh.

Day 4:

Ugh.

Day 5:

Wake me up when September ends. (Thanks, Greenday-- you always did have a way with words!)

Day 6:

The smiling didn't work.

Day 7:

Oh to be a kid again when your biggest problem was that your brother got more ice cream than you did.

Yep, I think that covers the last week.

I wonder what my life would look like if I truly believed that God delights to give me good things, and that this is an unchanging and irrefutable truth-- if I believed that each and every single thing that happened to me was not somehow in spite of God's goodness and sovereignty but because of it. If I believed that the bumps in my road of life were part of his gifts to me, would I hate them so much? Losing people I love, troubles with friends, loneliness, financial stresses, general life confusion-- I don't want these problems in my life. I don't want to feel like I don't belong anywhere, like I have no purpose anywhere.

But if I truly believed that God was giving me each of these trials because he loves me, would I deal with them better? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes. And I'm pretty sure I don't believe it deeply enough, because write now I'm just overwhelmed. I'd tell you more about it, but like I said, I don't want to lose my blog following.