Still Fighting It

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it...

By now I don't have to remind you that I am Ben Folds. I mean, it's either that or he just likes to write lyrics about my life. Which do you think is more likely? My point exactly.

That song played through my head nonstop when I went back to Philly this past weekend to celebrate Melissa's 30th birthday. From Friday to Sunday I got to see some of my favorite people in the world-- to talk and listen and laugh with many friends I haven't really seen all summer. In a lot of ways, it felt good to be home. On Sunday I walked down 17th Street. I saw Harold on the other side of the street and wondered if he'd recognize me; he's a neighbor that used to greet me every day. Sure enough, he lifted his head and gave me a nod and a wave. He probably does that to everyone, but it warmed my heart anyway. A few blocks further, I ran into the whole Olsen clan, coming back from the church plant potluck. The three oldest kids ran up and gave me hugs. I asked Angelina for a hug and she climbed into my arms to be held. She's started talking lots more since I left, and as soon as I was holding her, she started chattering about the moose that I'd given her when she turned one. They were walking down my street, so I walked half a block with them but had to say goodbye when we got to my house. I gave Angelina back to her mom and got more hugs from the other kids. It doesn't get any easier to say goodbye.

I love those Olsen kids. I love my Philly friends. And though it was fun, it was also so hard to see all of them this weekend because it meant having to say goodbye all over again. Because for some reason I can't explain, I know I need to be in New York right now.

Everybody knows It sucks to grow up
And everybody does It's so weird to be back here....

I did all this ridiculous stuff over the weekend. Probably dumb stuff but man, I had such a great time doing it. A pumpkin patch. Indian hiphop. Corn maze. Pumpkin drinks. Creating costumes. Spiking cider. Mulling wine. Stuff I love to do, and stuff I haven't done since I moved to New York.

I have four friends in New York, two of them are my brothers. It feels pretty different from Philly. I know it'll come with time. I know I need to be patient. And I know it's part of growing up. But it sucks to grow up. Ellen texted me when I got back to the city this weekend to ask me how Philly was.

Good. Weird. Fun. Hard. All in one fell swoop. -- was my reply.

And that's exactly what it was. Incredibly amazing and ridiculously hard, all at the same time. Because I want so badly to be there and know so clearly that I can't be right now. It doesn't make sense to me; that's just the way it is. I guess it's part of growing up? And everybody knows...
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it...

I'm still fighting it; I just don't want to grow up. I guess I thought when I grew up I'd be all settled down and be near my family and surrounded by my friends. I never thought my family would be spread along the eastern seaboard and my friends would be scattered around the world.

Ben Folds knows what he's talking about. That's all I have to say 'bout that!