Ayiti nan maten an!

It means "Haiti in the morning!" in Haitian Creole. (Yes, I looked it up on Google-translate.)

But seriously, I'm leaving for Haiti in the morning!!! Someone suggested we start journaling even before we go. I haven't had time, but it has made me think a bit more consciously about my expectations, fears, etc.

I asked my dad (who's been there before) what he thinks will be hardest for me. He said, "The need. You'll be overwhelmed by how much need there is everywhere."

Oh man, I thought he was going to say something like "being brave when you see huge spiders in your room" or something like that. Something I could just brush off and brace myself for and prove that I really am brave. 

But being overwhelmed by need? I wasn't quite ready for that. I take things personally. Sometimes for good, sometimes for bad; but I deeply feel other people's problems. I hadn't thought about it being overwhelming.

Mostly I'm excited. Excited to teach English in a village. Excited to play with kids at VBS. Excited to meet children and love them. Excited to have my perspective changed. Scared to have my perspective changed.

So I leave in seven hours. I should probably get to bed....

{I probably won't have internet access while I'm there, so I'm planning to journal while I'm gone and then update the blog when I get back so you can share a bit of the experience.}

Pray for us!!

Revisting Padre Plaza

If you've spoken with me in the past three or four months, you know that my job working with inner city kids has been up in the air for a while now. Not that I'm worried about losing my job... I'm just at a loss to know what it will look like six months from now. Will I move to the South Bronx? Will I keep working two part-time jobs like I am now? I have no idea!!!!

If you know me you also know that I don't do well being in limbo. Read: I might be the most impatient person in the world. So not knowing what next year looks like is "challenging" for me in my best moments; terrifying and maddening in my worse moments. I've wondered if it's worth all the uncertainty and the fight to make things happen. I've toyed with walking away altogether. I've started looking for other jobs. I've had conversations about moving to other cities.

Today I went back to the South Bronx, back to the park where we did our week-long outreach back in March. Only this time, Josh and I took my boss and his boss with me so they could see what we've been seeing. As soon as I stepped into Padre Plaza, it was like I was breathing different air. Mike welcomed me back with a huge hug and jokingly reprimanded me for being too much of a stranger. Within minutes a young boy arrived at the park. Jorel spent the next 45 minutes entertaining us with stories, asking us questions, and hearing all about camp. After talking to Mike and walking the neighborhood for a bit, our little group went to the Dominican restaurant next to Padre Plaza where we'd eaten several meals during our week-long camp. Fior, the woman behind the counter, was helping customers when I walked in.

She didn't notice me right away, but all the sudden she exclaimed "You're back!! Are you here? Are you all here again?!"

No-- I explained-- we're just visiting. I came to show these guys the neighborhood.

"Oh," she said, clearly disappointed, "but when are you coming back?"

I don't know; we're trying to figure it out... Maybe in the fall?

"What about this summer? Can't you come back now?"

I know, I'm sorry. We're trying to figure it out...

On our way back to the subway, Josh and I spotted Justin and Jaylene walking with their mom down the street and we waved. Justin recognized us almost instantly, and his face lit up. "Are you back?! Is there camp??" he said with a big grin on his face.

No, we just came back to say hi-- Josh and I tried to explain.

"But when is camp gonna be?"

I don't know-- I said-- maybe in the fall? We're trying to figure it out....

"In the fall?? But that's so far away!!"

He's right. It is so far away. I want to go back now. No, it's more than that; I wish we'd never left after that week. But I'm really glad we got to see Mike and Fior and Justin; I'm really thankful for the reminder of what happened when Mont Lawn Camp came to the city this March. I thought I was going back to try to show other people the great things God wants to do in the South Bronx; but I think really God used our little fieldtrip to remind me of the great things he has been doing all along.

It's kids like Jorel and Justin and Jaylene that make me want to go back there-- that make it worth it to fight to go back there. There are so many kids there waiting to love and be loved, to hear about God's love for them and to learn to love them.

So what's the problem, right? Why aren't we just going back up there? Money. Timing. Staffing. Details, details, details. Please pray for us. Pray that God provides the money we need, makes our way clear, and helps me to be patient as we figure it all out. Pray that he'll continue to grow a burden in me for those kids. Pray that he provides for our team-- the resources, the right people, the housing, the programming space. So many details. But there are so, so many kids that make all those details worth it-- today was just a reminder of that.

If You Could Be Anybody....

I went for my first official run with my Back on My Feet running team this morning. I got to run with Dennis, the one who shares my love for all things New Jersey.

Part of the routine each morning is that one team member asks a question meant to spark conversation during the run. The team leader forgot to have us do it before we went out, but when we came back for our cool-down stretches and closing circle, she let Luis pose his question to the group.

"If you could be anyone you wanted for one whole week, who would you be?" And then before anyone else could say anything, he added, "Jack Sparrow. That's who I'd be."

We didn't go around in order so that people who needed it had more time to think; so several of the non-residential members (volunteers) offered their answers of various athletes, actors, and celebrities. A couple of the residential members (the guys from The Bowery Mission) agreed and named various famous people that they really admire.

And then one of the guys spoke up: "Why would I want to be anyone else? God has blessed me so richly!"

There was no condemnation in his voice; just sincere gratitude for all that God has done for him. It's humbling because if you were to compare my life and his life on paper, you'd say right away that I was the one God has blessed so richly. Yet my first instinct when I heard the question was to begin comparing myself to everyone I could think of-- not to think about what God has already done for me.

You know, when I signed up for BoMF I thought This'll be fun-- it'll keep me running consistently and I'll be able to encourage these res members as I do it. Well, joke's on me. Already they're encouraging me and teaching me all sorts of lessons about what it means to acknowledge and be thankful for God's work in my life. Even when my life isn't picture-perfect or smooth. They aren't griping about their situations or how they got there or how others have wronged them. They're thankful that God brought them to The Bowery and that he has blessed them with a team of people who wants to run with them.

Lord, give me this same heart of gratitude that doesn't complain about my circumstances but that is overflowing with thankfulness for the abundant blessings in my life. Open my eyes to see the blessings that aren't readily apparent, and give me this same kind of confidence in your deep love and care for me in any and every situation.

Haiti!!!!

"Do you have a valid passport?" my dad asked me at my brother's birthday dinner last week.

Yes.... Why? Are you going to Uganda?-- I joked. I've been itching to go on one of my dad's trips with him to Haiti or Uganda to work with the orphans I've heard so much about. And seriously, if you ask an avid traveler if they have a valid passport, you've gotta know you're going to get their hopes up.

"Do you want to go to Haiti with Mr. Worthing?"

But I wasn't really expecting you to say that!!

Uh, YES!!!?!?!?!? Are you serious?? Is this a joke???

It wasn't a joke. I'm really going to Haiti! For a while now, I've been hoping to go; but it just hasn't worked out.

Until now!

So it's really happening-- I'll leave with the team June 28 and come back July 7. We'll be doing a Vacation Bible School and meeting and serving others in the churches that Mr. Worthing knows there. I can't wait! So far I know how to say three things in Creole (thanks, Mike!)--

Sak pase (What's up?)
Bonjou (Good morning)
Bonswa (Good afternoon/evening)

I know, I know.... I'm practically fluent. ;)

Back on My Feet

I joined a running club. It's not your average running club. I'll run with them next week for the first time, but I attended my team's monthly meeting yesterday morning. I had to get up at 4am to get there on time-- after having gone to bed at midnight the night before-- but after the meeting, I decided it was worth cutting my night's sleep short by three hours.

You see, most of the people on my running team have seen and experienced things you and I don't even dream about. Or if we do, we encounter them only in our nightmares. About half of my teammates are recovering alcoholics or drug addicts and men who have experienced homelessness. They live at a Mission now; they are fighting to get their lives back on track. And my running club exists to run alongside them during that fight.

My friend Melissa first introduced me to Back on My Feet when I ran the Broad Street Run with her last month. BoMF had just come to New York City, she told me, so I looked them up when I got back home. I felt some apprehension-- I mean, what am I supposed to say to a man who has lived on the streets and tried things I haven't even heard of? What if I don't know what to talk to them about? What if I say something that makes one of them mad or hurts their feelings?

So I went to the monthly meeting with pretty low expectations. And then I walked into the room and Kevin came up to me and greeted me with a warm "Are you going to be running with us?? You're going to love it!" and Lafayette tried to give me a t-shirt because he was excited I was going to be part of his team. When Dennis started finding ways to work his love of New Jersey into every conversation, I knew I was going to be okay.

Towards the end of the meeting, Kevin asked to speak. He said, "I've spent so many years mad at myself for my mistakes and I've felt so hopeless. And now I have you guys running alongside me and telling me I can do it. I've never had people telling me I could do anything. I don't think you guys understand how much you encourage me or how much you help me."

I don't think I understand either. But I'm excited to find out and to be a part of it!