Lost Cat: Found!

A few weeks ago, I saw a poster on the street that said this: "Lost Cat: Found!" And it made me really happy, because people don't usually tell you the end of the story. I see plenty of "Lost Cat" or "Lost Dog" posters; but I don't think I'd ever seen a posting letting everyone know their help had paid off and that there was, in fact, a happy ending to the story.

So I have my own little poster to "hang up" here.

"House Dilemma: Solved!"

I have this house in Philly, and for the last year it's just been a huge question mark. I haven't been sure if I should sell it, rent it, or what I should do. I will tell you that it has stressed me out, and you'll just have to understand that to be one of the biggest understatements of all time.

About a month ago, I was talking to my friend Laurie about this whole housing dilemma-- and I told her about my fears and about my overwhelmed-ness and how I was just feeling paralyzed by all of it.

"So what have you done?" she asked me. "What steps have you taken?"
That's just it-- I told her-- nothing. I feel like there are so many aspects of this decision that I don't even know where to start. So I haven't done anything.
"You've gotta do something. You need to advertise that it's for rent and just see what happens."

I took her advice and I posted it the next night. Two days later, I had two different groups of people interested in renting it out. By the next day, one of the groups of people had their security deposits in the mail to me. The girls even want to rent some of my furniture, so I don't have to pay to put any of it into storage!

I went down this weekend with Adam, one of my friends from Alice's. Tim drove down and my parents drove up for the day on Saturday to help clean, too. Adam and I packed on Friday; we all cleaned on Saturday. One of my friends even showed up Saturday morning with gluten-free muffins and helped me deep-clean the kitchen! We packed and cleaned, put some stuff in the basement, some stuff in my 'rents' car to go to Maryland, and the rest in the UHaul to come to New York. Tim drove up with us, making sure I could change lanes and that nothing fell out of the truck. He followed us all the way into Manhattan and helped us unload at my place, then followed us over to Brooklyn and helped us unload the furniture that was going to Adam's place, and then he followed me back to Manhattan again to make sure I was able to find parking for the truck (I couldn't return it until this morning). I think I have a pretty airtight case for having the best Big Brother in the world.

So the housing dilemma is solved for another year. And once again, my family and my friends supported me above and beyond what I expected or deserved. I guess I didn't make a huge "Housing Dilemma" poster; but I feel that I have to tell you now that the poster loomed large in my own head, and now the dilemma is solved.

I have felt pretty overwhelmed by this whole thing for the past two months. I know that God provides, but I still live in fear that his idea of provision may be different from mine. But he provided yet again-- not just tenants, but help and support for the move itself.

I'm not yet able to articulate the emotions of moving out of my house. I feel like I've failed; I feel confused; and I feel relieved. And I'm not sure what to do with any of that. And I'm really thankful that people love me anyway, even when I feel like the messiness and uncertainty of my life is seen most clearly in this housing dilemma.

Pumpkin's First Birthday

One year ago today I moved to New York City.

What a long, strange year it's been.

My year doesn't look much like I thought it would. To be honest, I guess I'm not sure what I was expecting. But I didn't think at this point in the game that I'd still be working two part-time jobs or that I'd still feel like I'm living in a state of limbo.

"Are you happy though?" -- many friends have asked me in recent weeks. And again and again, my response has been:
Yes. But I feel like I shouldn't be.

I love New York. I love our new apartment. I love that I live with one of my best friends. I love both my jobs (yes, even though they're part-time and I don't have benefits and I don't make as much money as I could doing.... um.... pretty much anything else). I love living about twenty blocks from Steve and Ellen. I love that I see Tim every couple weeks and that it doesn't have to be planned out way-far in advance. I love that friends keep coming through New York and staying with me.

And somehow I didn't expect to love all these things as much as I do. I thought I'd come for the summer, regroup and heal a bit, and return to life in Philly. Because, to be honest, the one thing really missing from my life in NYC is my friends that don't live here. And I miss them. A lot. Somehow I thought that one year later, I wouldn't still have those moments where I missed my friends so much that it hurt. But I do. And somehow I can't reconcile all of that with how much I love New York.

I told Adam about some of this the other night, and he said, "But Anne, it takes time to make good friends. You haven't given it enough time." I know he's right. But I also know that I left some pretty incredible friends behind, and that friends like that are few and far between. And I don't want to replace them, either, which makes it hard for me to think about making new friends like that here. And then again, maybe I'm just thinking about this way. too. much.

I saw three of my best Philly friends last weekend. As we sat around the table, I said--
Guys, can you believe I've almost been gone a whole year? Next week will be my one year anniversary of moving to New York!
"One year?!? That's such a long time!"
But you know what? We're still really really good friends. Distance didn't change that. One year didn't change that.

So yeah. I've been in New York for a year. I love my life right now, but I'm still scared about my future. I want to make more new friends, but somehow I feel afraid that to do so would mean losing some of my old ones, and I know for sure I don't want to do that. I wish there were a way to be in New York and Philly (and England and Maryland and Michigan and Virginia and New Hampshire and everywhere else my friends are, for that matter) at the same time. I'm still trying to figure out what it means to be content where I am. I don't know how to be content and still strive for more; how to be content, yet not complacent.

I'd like to say I'm excited about this next year, but I don't know if that'd be true. I have no idea what it's gonna look like, and that scares me. If I've learned one thing this year, it's that I have no idea what my future holds. But that's not the whole truth, either. Because I've also learned that even when my future is uncertain and scary, God is faithful and constant through it all.

So as long as I can remember that throughout this next year, I say-- Bring It On!!

May Fever

It's May 4, and it's cold and rainy outside.

Don't get me wrong, I love the rain. But I also love the sun. I love to be tan. I love to be warm. And I love to wear summery dresses.

I am not tan. I am not warm. And today feels like a perfect day to wear a cozy hoodie.

Spring, where art thou?!?!